In Japan, even saying goodbye to someone who has passed away comes with traditions that may surprise you.

At a Japanese funeral, mourners offer incense, carry special envelopes containing money, and bow quietly to show their respect.

After cremation, family members may carefully collect the bones using chopsticks.

And 49 days after someone passes away, another important ceremony may take place.

Why?

Because in Japan, death isn't simply marked by a single farewell.

Many funeral traditions are deeply connected to Buddhism, family relationships, and the belief that remembering loved ones continues long after their passing.

Some customs date back centuries. Others have evolved with modern Japanese life.

But each carries its own meaning.

Let's explore 12 Japanese funeral traditions and the cultural beliefs behind them.

1. Why Are Japanese Funerals Often Buddhist?

Japan has a fascinating relationship with religion.

Shinto and Buddhism have both influenced Japanese culture for centuries.

Shinto traditions are often associated with life events, seasonal festivals, and visits to shrines.

Buddhist traditions, meanwhile, have become especially important in funeral ceremonies and memorial services.

Many Japanese funerals follow Buddhist customs, even when the family doesn't consider itself particularly religious.

However, not all Japanese funerals are Buddhist.

Some families choose Shinto ceremonies, Christian services, secular funerals, or smaller private gatherings.

The customs depend on the family's beliefs, region, and personal wishes.

2. Otsuya (お通夜) — The Evening Wake

Before the funeral, many Japanese families hold a wake called:

お通夜 (Otsuya)

Traditionally, a wake involved family members and close relatives staying with the deceased through the night.

Today, an Otsuya is commonly held in the evening before the funeral.

Friends, colleagues, neighbours, and relatives may attend.

During a Buddhist wake, guests might:

• Offer condolences to the family
• Listen to Buddhist sutra chanting
• Offer incense
• Bow respectfully
• Pay their respects to the deceased

The atmosphere is generally quiet and solemn.

In some cases, refreshments or a meal may be provided afterward.

The wake gives people an opportunity to say goodbye, particularly those who cannot attend the funeral the following day.

3. Osōshiki (お葬式) — The Funeral Ceremony

The Japanese word for funeral is:

お葬式 (Osōshiki)

In many Buddhist funerals, the ceremony takes place the day after the wake.

A Buddhist priest chants sutras while family members and guests offer incense.

The ceremony may include a photograph of the deceased, flowers, candles, and a Buddhist altar.

A related term is:

告別式 (Kokubetsushiki) — Farewell ceremony.

Traditionally, the religious funeral rites and the farewell ceremony have distinct purposes.

The religious rites are associated with Buddhist prayers and rituals.

The farewell ceremony allows mourners to pay their final respects.

Today, these parts are often combined into one service.

Some funerals are large gatherings.

Others are small and private.

An increasingly familiar option is 家族葬 (Kazokusō), a family funeral attended by a limited group of relatives and close connections.

4. Kōden (香典) — Why Do People Bring Money to Funerals?

Here's a custom that might surprise foreigners.

In Japan, funeral guests often bring money.

Not as a payment for attending.

But as a gesture of sympathy and support.

This tradition is called:

香典 (Kōden)

Historically associated with offerings of incense, Kōden today commonly refers to condolence money given to the bereaved family.

The money helps express sympathy and may also assist with funeral expenses.

How Much Money Should You Give?

The amount depends on your relationship with the deceased, your age, local customs, and other circumstances.

For example, a colleague or acquaintance might give approximately ¥3,000–¥10,000.

Close relatives may give considerably more.

These are general examples, not fixed rules.

How Is the Money Presented?

Kōden is placed inside a special condolence envelope called:

香典袋 (Kōdenbukuro)

Or more generally:

不祝儀袋 (Bushūgibukuro)

These envelopes are usually white or subdued in colour, often decorated with black-and-white or other appropriate ceremonial cords.

The wording on the envelope depends on the religious tradition and circumstances.

One important detail:

Some families decline condolence money, known as 香典辞退 (Kōden Jitai).

If the family has requested no Kōden, respect their wishes.

5. Shōkō (焼香) — Why Do Mourners Offer Incense?

One of the most recognizable Buddhist funeral rituals in Japan is:

焼香 (Shōkō)

The offering of incense.

During the ceremony, mourners approach an incense burner and offer a small amount of powdered incense.

This is a symbolic act of respect, remembrance, and prayer.

How Is Shōkō Performed?

The exact procedure varies by Buddhist school and local custom.

A common form involves:

1. Approaching the incense burner and bowing.
2. Taking a small pinch of powdered incense.
3. Placing it onto the burning charcoal.
4. Joining your hands in prayer.
5. Bowing before returning to your seat.

In some Buddhist traditions, the incense is raised toward the forehead before being placed in the burner.

In others, it is not.

The number of offerings also varies.

If you're attending a funeral in Japan, the simplest approach is to observe the people before you and follow the guidance of the funeral staff.

Nobody expects a visitor to know every religious detail.

Showing respect matters most.

6. Funeral Clothing — Why Does Everyone Wear Black?

If you attend a Japanese funeral, you'll probably notice something immediately.

Almost everyone is dressed in black.

Formal mourning clothes are called:

喪服 (Mofuku)

For men, this commonly means a black suit, white shirt, and black tie.

For women, traditional formal mourning attire often includes a simple black dress or black suit.

Black shoes and understated accessories are generally appropriate.

What Should You Avoid?

Bright colours, flashy jewellery, casual clothing, and attention-grabbing accessories are generally best avoided.

Pearl jewellery is traditionally considered appropriate in many settings, although jewellery isn't necessary.

What If You Don't Own Formal Mourning Clothes?

For many funeral situations, a plain, dark, conservative outfit may be acceptable, particularly when formal clothing is unavailable.

The key is to dress respectfully and avoid drawing attention to yourself.

The exact expectations can depend on the type of funeral and your relationship with the family.

7. Juzu (数珠) — The Buddhist Prayer Beads

You might notice mourners holding a small string of beads.

These are called:

数珠 (Juzu)

Buddhist prayer beads.

Juzu are used in Buddhist religious practices, including prayers and funeral ceremonies.

They are often held between the hands when praying.

The beads can symbolize spiritual practice and mindfulness, although their meaning and use vary by Buddhist tradition.

Do Foreigners Need to Bring Juzu?

Not necessarily.

If you don't own Buddhist prayer beads, you generally don't need to purchase them just to attend a funeral.

You can simply join your hands respectfully during the prayer.

Juzu are personal religious objects, so it's best not to treat them as decorative accessories.

8. Kotsuage (骨上げ) — The Ritual of Collecting Bones

This is one of the most distinctive Japanese funeral traditions.

Japan has a very high cremation rate, and cremation is the standard practice for most funerals.

After cremation, family members often participate in a ritual called:

骨上げ (Kotsuage)

The gathering of cremated bones.

Using special chopsticks, relatives carefully transfer bone fragments into a funerary urn.

In many regions, two people may work together to lift and transfer the remains.

This ritual is an intimate and solemn part of saying goodbye.

Why Is This Tradition Significant?

Kotsuage allows family members to participate directly in caring for the deceased's remains.

It is a final physical act of farewell before the urn is taken home or eventually placed in a family grave or another resting place.

The procedure varies by region and crematorium.

An Interesting Connection to Chopstick Etiquette

In Japan, passing food directly from one pair of chopsticks to another is considered inappropriate.

Why?

Because it resembles the ritual handling of bones after cremation.

This is one reason Japanese dining etiquette discourages passing food from chopsticks to chopsticks.

A small everyday table-manners rule has a surprising connection to funeral traditions.

9. Kōden Gaeshi (香典返し) — The Return Gift

Here's another interesting custom.

After receiving condolence money, the bereaved family may give a return gift.

This is called:

香典返し (Kōden Gaeshi)

Traditionally, the family might send these gifts after the mourning period, often around the forty-ninth-day memorial service in Buddhist practice.

Today, some families give return gifts on the day of the funeral.

Common gifts may include tea, towels, packaged foods, or other practical items.

The gift is a way of acknowledging the support received from mourners.

It's not meant to be a cheerful celebration.

Rather, it expresses gratitude during a difficult time.

The timing and value of gifts vary, and some families do not follow this custom.

10. Shijūkunichi (四十九日) — Why Is the 49th Day Important?

In many Japanese Buddhist traditions, the forty-ninth day after death has special significance.

The memorial observance is called:

四十九日 (Shijūkunichi)

It is associated with Buddhist beliefs about the period following death.

In some traditions, the deceased is understood to pass through stages of transition during the first forty-nine days.

Families may hold memorial services every seven days, although many modern households focus on selected observances.

The forty-ninth-day service is particularly important.

Family members may gather at a temple, home, or cemetery to pray and remember the deceased.

It can also mark the end of an initial period of mourning.

Does Every Japanese Family Observe the 49th Day?

No.

The practice depends on the family's religion, Buddhist school, and personal choices.

Shinto, Christian, and secular funeral traditions follow different customs.

11. Butsudan (仏壇) — Remembering Loved Ones at Home

In some Japanese homes, you'll find a small Buddhist altar.

It's called:

仏壇 (Butsudan)

A Butsudan may contain religious images, memorial tablets, incense, candles, flowers, and offerings.

Families may use it as a place for prayer and remembrance.

Some people offer rice, tea, fruit, or other foods.

Others light incense and quietly reflect.

What Is an Ihai (位牌)?

An Ihai is a memorial tablet used in certain Japanese Buddhist traditions.

It may bear the deceased person's posthumous Buddhist name and other identifying information.

The tablet serves as a focus for remembrance and religious observance.

Not all Buddhist schools use Ihai in the same way.

And not every Japanese household has a Butsudan.

But for families that maintain one, it can be an important part of remembering loved ones in everyday life.

12. Obon (お盆) — When Families Welcome Their Ancestors

Japanese funeral traditions don't end with the funeral itself.

Remembrance can continue through annual customs.

One of the most famous is:

お盆 (Obon)

Obon is a Japanese Buddhist-influenced observance associated with honouring ancestors and remembering deceased family members.

It usually takes place in July or August, depending on the region.

During Obon, families may:

• Visit ancestral graves
• Clean family memorial sites
• Offer flowers and incense
• Gather with relatives
• Participate in local Bon Odori dances

Some traditions symbolically welcome ancestral spirits home during this period.

Lanterns and ceremonial fires may be used to guide or welcome the spirits, depending on local custom.

Obon combines remembrance, family gatherings, and regional traditions.

It shows how connections with deceased loved ones can remain part of everyday cultural life.

Japanese Funeral Etiquette: What Should Foreigners Know?

If you're invited to attend a funeral in Japan, you don't need to memorize every ritual.

But understanding a few basic customs can help you feel more comfortable.

1. Arrive on Time

Punctuality is important.

Try to arrive a little early so you can register, present Kōden if appropriate, and find your seat.

2. Dress Conservatively

Black formal clothing is the safest choice for most traditional funerals.

Avoid bright colours and flashy accessories.

3. Offer Simple Condolences

You don't need to give a long speech.

A commonly used expression is:

このたびはご愁傷様です。

Kono tabi wa goshūshō-sama desu.

"My deepest condolences."

Another formal expression is:

お悔やみ申し上げます。

Okuyami mōshiagemasu.

"I offer my condolences."

A quiet bow is also appropriate.

4. Follow the Funeral Staff's Guidance

If you're unfamiliar with incense offerings or ceremonial procedures, observe other mourners.

Funeral staff can usually guide you.

5. Avoid Casual Photography

Don't photograph the ceremony, altar, or deceased without explicit permission.

Funerals are private and sensitive occasions.

6. Respect the Family's Wishes

Some families request private attendance.

Others decline flowers, Kōden, or visitors.

Always follow the instructions provided by the family or funeral organizer.

Japanese Funeral Traditions vs. Western Funeral Customs

Funeral practices vary widely within every culture, but certain Japanese customs may be unfamiliar to visitors from other countries.

Japanese custom	What might surprise visitors
Kōden	Guests commonly offer condolence money
Shōkō	Incense offerings are central to many Buddhist funerals
Kotsuage	Family members may collect cremated bones
Juzu	Mourners may hold Buddhist prayer beads
Kōden Gaeshi	Families may give return gifts to mourners
Shijūkunichi	The 49th-day memorial has special significance
Butsudan	Some families maintain a home Buddhist altar
Obon	Ancestors are remembered through annual observances

These traditions reflect particular Japanese religious and social practices, not rules followed by every family.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a Japanese funeral called?

A funeral is commonly called Osōshiki (お葬式). A farewell ceremony may be called Kokubetsushiki (告別式).

Are Japanese funerals Buddhist?

Many Japanese funerals follow Buddhist traditions, but Shinto, Christian, secular, and other ceremonies also exist.

Why do Japanese people give money at funerals?

Condolence money, called Kōden (香典), expresses sympathy and provides support to the bereaved family.

How much money should you give at a Japanese funeral?

The amount depends on your relationship with the deceased and local customs. For colleagues or acquaintances, approximately ¥3,000–¥10,000 is a common general range.

What should you wear to a Japanese funeral?

Black formal mourning clothes are customary. A conservative dark outfit may be appropriate when formal mourning clothes aren't available.

Why do Japanese funerals use incense?

In Buddhist funerals, incense offerings are acts of prayer, remembrance, and respect.

Why do Japanese families collect bones after cremation?

The ritual called Kotsuage (骨上げ) allows relatives to participate in gathering the cremated remains and placing them into an urn.

Why is the 49th day important after death in Japan?

In many Buddhist traditions, the forty-ninth day marks an important memorial observance associated with the deceased's spiritual transition.

Can foreigners attend Japanese funerals?

Yes, when invited or when attendance is open to them. Visitors should respect the family's wishes and follow the appropriate etiquette.

Do Japanese funerals always include flowers?

Flowers are common in many funeral settings, but their use varies by religion and family preferences. Guests shouldn't assume they should bring flowers.

What should you say to someone who has lost a family member in Japan?

A respectful expression is "Kono tabi wa goshūshō-sama desu" (このたびはご愁傷様です), meaning "My deepest condolences."

What is the connection between Japanese funerals and chopstick etiquette?

Passing food directly between chopsticks resembles the handling of cremated bones during Kotsuage, which is why the practice is avoided at meals.

🇯🇵 Keep Discovering Japan

Curious about how Japanese traditions connect everyday life with remembrance? Explore What Is Obon (お盆)? Japan's Festival of Ancestors to discover one of Japan's most meaningful annual customs.

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🇯🇵 About JapPop

At JapPop, we celebrate Japanese culture through playful illustrations, original characters, and stories inspired by everyday life in Japan.

From traditional customs and curious language quirks to folklore, food, anime, and modern pop culture, we explore the little details that make Japan so fascinating.

Japanese funeral traditions remind us that culture isn't only about festivals, food, and celebrations.

It's also about how people face life's most difficult moments.

How they express sympathy.

How they support one another.

And how they remember those who are no longer with them.

From a quiet bow to an offering of incense, each gesture carries meaning.

And although funeral traditions differ around the world, the emotions behind them are deeply human.

Love.

Gratitude.

Remembrance.

And the wish to honour someone who mattered.

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